Formula

Different people have their own fomulae when it comes to finding their significant halves.

"minus 4 plus 2", declared my cousin many years ago. "Younger by 4 years or older by 2 years", he explained.

So for quite some time, I adopted this system. Almost quite chic if you think about it, as if one's fetishes with numbers haven't quite stopped at high school.. It's almost like one's life affair can be solved almost as easily as with a mathematically formula, and you can almost know whether your answer is right or wrong. But as years wore on, I began to revise this counting system. Make it "minus 6 plus 3", wherefore 6 is a multiple of 3, just as it was the case of 4 is a multiple of 2. My rationale is simple. Had it been minus >6 or plus >3, there is no end in defending myself against charges of paedophilism or aunti-fetishism.

But SL LLG could only bewilder me with his even more elegant formula. Now this is also another oddity of mathmos from The Other University. For it is not just how they are forever fascinated by the most quotidian of the state of the world affairs - as in that the angle of the wake made by an object in deep water is always 2arcsin(1/3), they are also interested in formulating key equations linking IQ, vital statistics, weight and age.

Let me explain further.

SL LLG's point is that his future wife must possess a few key statistics. Capturing the essentials would require the following formula:

150 < Vital stats + age + weight < Her IQ
But considering how stringent this formula is in its implementation, I suggested that if he still insists on this, his future wife might well be a solution to the following:

Let the latitude of his wife's geographical location wrt equator = x

The solution can be found only if they satisfy the following 2 equations:
x sq - 11 x - 80 = 0 ---- (1) and
dP(x)/dt > 0 ---- (2)

Essentially, as SL LLG ages (gracefully or otherwise), his bargaining power gets lesser, which would require that his wife be found either at 16 degree North (Vietnam) or 5 degree South (Indonesia), and the probability that this will happen [P(x)] will just go higher over time
dP(x)/dt >0

But, I am not so greedy. I will die a happy man if my gf is
(1) From reputable school such as Dunman High, TJC (Bonus if from LEP)
(2) Be effectively bilingual
(3) Knows her cocktail well
(4) A chiobu
(5) And most importantly loves me as much as I love her.

To heck with the formula, you stupid Cantabs!!!